Attachment Therapy
Attachment styles develop early in life based on how emotionally available, consistent, and attuned your caregivers were. They’re working models and protective patterns your nervous system created to help you survive and stay connected, even when connection was unpredictable, unsafe, or unavailable.
These patterns often continue into adulthood, especially in close relationships. You might notice these patterns showing up in friendships, dating, family, or even how you relate to yourself.
The 4 Attachment Styles
Anxious - Preoccupied
Anxious attachment is marked by a strong desire for closeness and fear of abandonment. People with this style often seek reassurance, worry about being “too much,” and may prioritise others’ needs over their own. Emotional ups and downs in relationships can feel difficult to manage, often, this is protecting a fear of abandonment and a longing to feel “enough”.
Avoidant - Dismissive
With avoidant attachment, independence often feels safer than closeness. You may struggle to express your needs, shut down, or feel burdened when others rely on you. This style is often protecting a fear of being overwhelmed or losing control when intimacy feels too close or vulnerable.
Fearful Avoidant - Disorganised
This style shows a push-pull dynamic, craving closeness, and needing distance. It often develops in response to early relational trauma, chaos or loss. Relationships can feel unpredictable, with a deep longing for connection, but also a fear of being hurt, rejected, or overwhelmed by closeness.
Secure
A secure attachment style allows for closeness and independence. People with this style are generally able to express emotions, set boundaries, and recover from conflict without fear of losing the relationship. Secure attachment isn’t perfect, it’s grounded in emotional safety, flexibility, and mutual respect.
“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.”
- Bessel van der Kolk
What Attachment Repair Looks Like in Session
Attachment repair is the process of healing the unmet emotional needs from your past, so you can experience more security, connection, and self-trust in the present.
In therapy, this often means:
​​
-
Breaking Old Relational Loops: We explore how your attachment system influences and shows up in your current relationships, in conflict, or even in therapy itself and work to gently connect with these patterns.
​
-
Attachment therapy: Through consistent, attuned relational experiences in therapy, your nervous system learns that connection doesn’t have to be dangerous, overwhelming, or one-sided. This creates space for new, more secure ways of relating.
​
-
Working with Younger Parts: Attachment wounds often stem from childhood. Through IFS and inner child work, we give voice and care to the younger parts of you who learned they had to hide, perform, or protect to feel loved.
​
-
Practicing Boundaries, Needs & Repair: We explore how to speak your truth, say no, express needs, tolerate healthy conflict, and stay connected through it. These relational “muscles” can grow, even if they weren’t safe to use before.
Can Attachment Styles Change?
Yes. Your attachment style is not fixed. it’s adaptive. Just as your brain and nervous system once learned to survive through anxiety, avoidance, or disconnection, they can also learn safety, trust, and connection.
The process of attachment repair takes time and consistency, we heal in relationships and in the presence of a secure, attuned, and validating other, therapy can be one of those relationships.
​