How To Become Friends With Your Anxiety

As anxiety can be an incredibly distressing and painful emotion to experience, we can commonly associate it with being “bad” or an unwelcome emotion.

We try to fight it, avoid it and do anything to make it go away and not surface. We try to eliminate it all together.

What if there was another way to approach feelings of anxiety and anxious thought patterns? What if instead of meeting these feelings with more distress, we befriended them?

What if we stopped battling our anxiety all together?

Through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we can begin to see anxiety not as an enemy but as a protective part of us that has an important role to play.

Why Anxiety Feels Like the Enemy

You know when you can feel that heavy weight in your chest that never seems to go away? It can be impossible to shake off, the feeling following you from the moment you wake up, to your brain being wide awake at night.

It can mark every corner of your life - impacting your concentration, sleep or day to day experiences that would normally bring you joy. It can affect your relationships, creating distance or tension because you may withdraw or over explain yourself to avoid being judged.

The smallest tasks can feel monumental when anxiety is in control, as if your mind is constantly racing, trying to anticipate and avoid all possible dangers.

We have all been there and when we are there we often resort to quick fixes like trying to push anxiety away, distract yourself with the closest thing that can numb or distract the discomfort.

Alternatively we can also try to suppress the feelings through control or avoidance.

The more we try to suppress the anxious feelings, the louder they become. It pushes its way to the surface, often in more intense ways. We may feel like we're losing control, disconnected from our bodies, or unable to ground ourselves in the present.

The very act of fighting it often deepens the fear, creating a cycle where we’re stuck in a loop of anxiety and avoidance.

Anxiety as a Protector

In IFS, our inner world is made up of many parts, each with its own role. Protectors are parts that act to shield us from pain, vulnerability, or perceived threats. Anxiety is often a protector part, working overtime to prevent us from experiencing pain or danger, it will manage our lives in ensure we can avoid any perceived threats.

For example, if you’ve ever felt a surge of anxiety before a big presentation, that part of you might be trying to protect you from the possibility of embarrassment or failure. While the methods anxiety uses may feel unhelpful, the intention behind it is rooted in care and safety.

Rather than fighting anxiety, IFS invites us to approach it with curiosity and compassion.

Here’s how you can start befriending your anxiety:

1. Pause and Acknowledge

   When anxiety arises, resist the urge to push it away. Instead, pause and acknowledge its presence. You might say to yourself,“I notice I’m feeling anxious right now. I can feel my heart-racing, chest tightening…”

   
   

2. Get Curious

   Shift your mindset from judgment to curiosity. Ask your anxiety questions like:· “What are you worried about?”· “What are you trying to protect me from?”· “How long have you been doing this job for me?”Often, just listening to your anxiety can reveal deeper insights into its purpose and origins.

   
   

3. Separate

   From the AnxietyIn IFS, we practice “unblending”—separating your Self from the anxious part that is present. This helps you relate to the anxiety without being overwhelmed by it.You might say, “Anxiety, I see you. I feel you and I acknowledge your presence. I will hold space for you, but I will not become you”. This simple shift creates space for you to interact with the anxiety from a calm, centred place.

   
   

4. Offer Compassion

   Anxiety often feels misunderstood and overworked. Let it know you appreciate its efforts to protect you, even if its methods aren’t always helpful. You might say, “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I see how hard you’re working to protect me”

   
   

5. Explore Its Origins

   Many anxious parts are rooted in past experiences. They might be carrying fears or beliefs from when you were younger or a time when you felt unsafe or vulnerable. By gently exploring these origins, you can start to unburden the anxiety and help it relax its grip.

   
   

6. Invite Collaboration

   Once you’ve built trust with your anxiety, invite it to collaborate with you. Let it know you’re capable of handling discomfort and that it doesn’t have to work so hard. In doing so, the intensity of anxious feelings can begin to reduce as the anxious parts of you feel heard, seen, and welcome

   
   

The Benefits of Befriending Anxiety

When you stop fighting anxiety and start befriending it, you allow yourself to start becoming closer with your emotions and allowing them to just be. This helps you train your body and mind to not fear the emotion but to be okay with its presence.

You don’t need to indulge in the anxiety or allow yourself to ruminate, but you can support yourself to feel and move through the anxiety and create an inner sense of harmony and peace.

Anxiety, when understood and integrated, can become a valuable ally – and can often be a signal for us to check in, slow down, and integrate self-care into our day.

By reframing anxiety as a protective part rather than an enemy, you can transform your relationship with it and experience a deeper sense of connection to yourself. Befriending anxiety isn’t about making it go away; it’s about learning to work with it in a way that honours its intentions while empowering you to live with greater freedom and ease.

Give yourself time and patience to heal your relationship with your emotions, specifically anxiety. Anxiety is not a wrong feeling, it exists to protect you. Understand other parts that are working hard to keep you safe.

At True Self Space, we specialise in helping you reconnect with your authentic self, heal emotional wounds, and rewrite outdated narratives.

✨ Follow us on Instagram at @TrueSelfSpace for daily insights, inspiration, and tips on inner healing.

🌐 Visit our website at TrueSelfSpace.com.au to learn more about IFS therapy and our approach.

Ready to take the next step? Book a session today!

Let’s connect—you’ve got this! 💛